Expert Article: How To Make A Rough Day Better by Dr. Toby Goldman
License Validated By Nevada State Board of Veterinary Medical Examiners. See License.
Article Written by Dr. Toby Goldman of Nevada Pet Hospice.
You weren't expecting it that day—it came out of nowhere. That one memorable day when God, the Universe, or whatever greater force you believe in placed your pet in front of you. People talk about that day as if it happened just yesterday. You could have been two minutes late or missed the call, but it was meant to be. From that moment on, you began writing a beautiful and remarkable story together.
Life with Pets: Joys and Challenges
In my thirty years of living among the personalities and politics of Las Vegas, the brightest characters in my life have been my three cattle dogs. Every day, they burst through their doggie door, running excitedly to greet me. If I step outside for a minute, they wait, watch, and take notes. When I return, they jump around as if I've been gone for a week.
Our pets watch us—and each other—better than we do, especially as our routines change. When two pets have lived long lives together and one dies, the remaining pet wakes up to a brand-new day with their old routine. They don't need antidepressants; they get sad, but they don't get stuck. Grief isn't a toxic thing for them; they are a great model of being in the moment and experiencing a healthy sadness.
The Journey Together
Since that first day, you and your pet have gone through many changes together—adventures, stories, pictures, blessings, and gratitude. You may have underestimated all the responsibilities that would come with being a "good shepherd" for both your lifetimes. This role meant providing your pet with the "freedoms" to express their natural behaviors: basics like food, shelter, healthcare, hygiene, a place to move and relieve themselves, and more. Sooner or later, as in every story, pets or their caregivers face health struggles.
Knowing When It’s Time to Say Goodbye
We know it's time to say goodbye by considering our caregiving limitations and our pet’s condition. Every family has its "budgets" or "limitations"—time, emotion, money, medicines, lifting, moving, cleaning, and more. As our pets decline, these "budgets" stretch or break, making it harder or impossible to give proper care.
My biggest limitation has been time—not the time spent doing everything, but the time I didn't have to leave town or even go out for a few hours. I worried that my pet would get stuck, there'd be a mess, or food or medicine to give.
Consider your comfort and quality:
How many sleepless nights can you endure?
How much more will this cost?
How many more messes to clean?
How many family gatherings to miss?
What if we can't lift or clean?
You and your pet should not feel trapped forever, and it's not selfish to consider your own self-preservation. When everyone is stuck and can't carry on much longer, it's time.
Recognizing Their Pain
How our pets feel is what we perceive it to be. People definitely tell you when they hurt, and our pets do too. Look closer to see it:
Has their behavior changed?
Does their face look sad and fussy, or bright and present?
Are they sleeping more, or are they restless and pacing?
Does their posture and movement seem painful?
Remember when they jumped and ran effortlessly? Now they can't because of chronic degenerative osteoarthritis. Pets remember the normal routines of getting up, moving easily, relieving themselves normally, eating well, sleeping soundly, and breathing normally. When these "freedoms" slip away, it causes big anxiety—maybe even worse than pain. Of course, it hurts, and they worry it will again!
Pets Age Quickly
Pets age quickly, and pain, anxiety, nausea, and cognitive dysfunction come fast too. Hyperesthesia is pain winding up, similar to a sunburn. For example, it doesn't hurt to touch the hairs on your skin, but if you get burned (big inflammation), then touching those hairs becomes too painful. Anxiety rises as pets try to avoid more pain, and past routines become too painful, exhausting, or impossible. Pets get fussy and grumpy as they age, but they handle it better than I do.
The Reality of Saying Goodbye
People wish their pets would pass peacefully in their sleep, but that rarely happens. Instinctively, when animals can’t keep up, they separate themselves from their pack and find a bush or shelter—then come dehydration, the elements, and predators, which we don't want. Since this usually doesn't happen at home, we wait until our worst fears come true. These are regretful end-of-life stories that last forever, like incidents involving pools, the elements, stairs, cars, the vet doing the next thing, or midnight trips to the emergency clinic.
As the emergency clinician, it often feels more like an emergency for you than for your pet. Usually, their condition is so severe or has been declining for so long that a natural death is occurring—not a mistake. Everyone tells me, "If it were six months earlier on a good day, I would have rather said goodbye at that time than wait another second too long." It's always too early to say goodbye—until it's too late.
Playing Your Hand Wisely
Play your hand of cards the best way you can before they call them in. There is no black or white, and we still have choices—until they disappear. If given the chance, write the story before leaving it up to anything else. Families want their pets to maintain their comfort and routines for as long as possible, and they don't want them to suffer.
It’s not the winning hand of cards, but you can play them out to make a sad night not a nightmare. Go all-in for comfort, quality, and dignity for everyone because death is unpredictable, and we're lucky to still be in the game. The most memorable and sweetest goodbyes happen when we don’t try to squeeze out whatever time is left. Families have a chance to write their story with love, grace, compassion, healing, ritual, relief, holiness, and even a little magic.
How to Make a Rough Day NOT the Worst
Add pain medications: Increasing pain medications always enhances comfort. Ask your vet to challenge your pet—the best time to start pain medications was probably long ago.
Say goodbye before they suffer: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Most people don’t realize this. It’s not unreasonable to say goodbye at any time. When our pets have prolonged or severe health struggles, can you wave your magic wand and create a goodbye on the best day ever? Who, where, what...do we have time to make it happen and write the story? Death itself is a short process, while dying can be long or short. Given the chance, a good shepherd can shorten the act of dying.
Find your path of least regrets: There’s a long list of things we’re not curing, and it’s down to comfort. On the day we say goodbye, my pet deserves their favorite foods and ice cream, if eating, and to be chasing balls and toys, if able. They deserve to be in their bed, on the couch, or in their favorite outdoor place, surrounded by familiar faces, touches, and smells. Create a goodbye that leaves you with a story to tell—one that is full of comfort, love, and gratitude.
Gifts to Make a Rough Day Better
Turn off the bad: We can make sure nothing else will happen—this works for you too.
Say goodbye at home or a favorite spot with you: Often, you can’t avoid the hospital, and the staff tries their best. However, it’s a foreign place where sick and sore pets are taken away to "the back" work table under bright lights and physically restrained to shave, place, and tape in an indwelling catheter. It’s not comfortable nor necessary and breaks your bond during the hardest and last moments.
A sense of relief: You are hereby relieved of all your caregiving duties. Your pets would want you to take a nap, eat some good food, and hang with your pack.
Steer your sadness into gratitude: It’s love that drives the sadness, so steer it into gratitude. Make their memory a special blessing and honor them by going out and living life. Take that postponed trip, have a big bright day, and maybe sprinkle their ashes somewhere special along the way—they are still doing their job.
Worse than saying goodbye would be not saying it at all: I couldn’t imagine life for you, over all this time, without your beloved pet.
About Dr. Toby Goldman of Nevada Pet Hospice
Dr. Toby Goldman’s passion for veterinary medicine began as a young boy, exploring the sunny creek beds of Southern California, where he would catch lizards under the shade of sycamore and oak trees. This early fascination with animals led him to pursue a Bachelor of Science in Animal Science from Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, followed by earning his Doctorate in Veterinary Medicine from Ross University.
With over two decades of experience in small and exotic animal practice, Dr. Toby built a successful veterinary career before selling his hospital to focus on a new calling—hospice and palliative care. His expertise in this specialized field, which goes beyond traditional veterinary medicine, is enhanced by his certification in Hospice and Palliative Care (CHPV). This role requires not only advanced medical knowledge but also a deep understanding of the emotional support needed by both pets and their families during end-of-life care.
As a member of the International Association of Animal Hospice and Palliative Care, Dr. Toby has shared his insights as a speaker at their conferences, contributing to the advancement of this compassionate field. Since 1995, he has made his home in Nevada, where he is devoted to his family, including his loyal red and blue heelers. Outside of his veterinary work, Dr. Toby enjoys maintaining his active lifestyle as a middle-of-the-pack distance runner.
Dr. Toby Goldman is a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine and a Certified Hospice and Palliative Care Veterinarian.
Are you in Las Vegas or Henderson, Nevada?
Nevada Pet Hospice is a leading provider of compassionate in-home hospice and palliative care for pets in Las Vegas and the surrounding areas. The company was founded with a mission to deliver comfort, dignity, and personalized care during the most sensitive time in a pet’s life. Nevada Pet Hospice offers specialized end-of-life services that cater to the unique needs of each pet and their family, ensuring that pets can spend their final days in a familiar and loving environment.
With a team of experienced veterinarians and dedicated support staff, Nevada Pet Hospice is committed to enhancing the quality of life for pets facing terminal illnesses or advanced age. The company provides a wide range of services, including pain management, symptom control, and emotional support, all delivered in the comfort of the pet’s home. This approach not only alleviates the physical discomfort of pets but also offers much-needed guidance and support to pet owners during this challenging time.
Nevada Pet Hospice prides itself on treating every pet with the utmost respect and care, helping families navigate the difficult process of saying goodbye. The company’s services are designed to provide both physical and emotional relief, honoring the deep bond between pets and their owners. Through their compassionate approach, Nevada Pet Hospice aims to make the final moments of a pet's life as peaceful and dignified as possible.